BIOGRAPHY

IF ANYONE CARES

Whom...?!

Lyle Christine is not a musician who is comfortable writing about himself in the third-person, but until Spotify increases its shillings and groats royalty rate, Lyle can’t afford a marketing team to take care of important business such as the “artiste biography“.

What you’ve missed: Glasgow-based musician has recorded a few albums of varying quality; what to expect in future: more albums of varying quality followed by a pithy gravestone summary:

 

He was oft perturbed.

“Glasgow-based“? That’s right eagle-eye, I’m a country boy from Fife originally, hailing from a small village called Kettle where the world’s lettuce is wrapped in cling film and popular children’s entertainers drive about in Jaguars while coked out their skulls. I should have stayed there; what more does a man need than high-quality lettuce, high-quality cocaine and high-quality mawkish folksy drivel?

Moving on, I have recorded 8 albums and currently in production are album 9 and an acoustic album. The acoustic album will not be anything like MTV’s Unplugged (but still mic’d up) series from the 1990’s – it will be modern: I’ll be rapping over a sparse snare/kick backing track in some cringe patois, mewling about a girl I saw while waiting in a queue in Tesco, probably sporting a backwards baseball cap. It will be devoid of any substance, intelligence, emotion or originality; based on current stupidity trends, it will probably make me the world’s first quadrillionaire.

Finally, remember, always keep your skillet good and greasy.

Lyle Christine: patience of a toddler...
radioactive levels of cynicism

Here comes...

An uncomfortable chat about "the music, man"

 

Dearest pals, I honestly don’t care what’s in your Spotify favourites playlist or if your vinyl collection includes an original mint copy of Zeppelin II… and you probably shouldn’t care what my albums are about. My albums are the ramblings of a throwback. I’m a crumbling urchin cursed with a condition-of-compulsion which compels me to bake an album every year or so. I really do love writing and recording music, but I have no desire to become familiar with the bovine, herd-oriented, hive-mentality artless bland masses. I have never been to Glastonbury or any of the other ‘Hit Parades for Young Conservatives’. The number of bands I hate is as long as the horizon is wide… but what’s important is good advice:

Keep Kicking Against the Pricks; Don’t Let the Bastards Get You Down; Mind the Gap.

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